I have neglected my blog for a few months – since the beginning of November in fact – and I thought I better start it up again.
Not just because I want to, but because my neglect of these pages have become symbolic of neglect of all sorts of other things in my life.
this morning I woke up with a stonking hangover and a huge pile of work to accomplish in two days and had an epiphany. My beautiful wife sent me an MMS of her smiling face and I thought to myself…
“Self, why are you such a lazy, fat, slob?”
Ok, not as simple as that, but that’s what it boiled down to. I am 38 years old, I weigh in at almost 100 kilograms and am coasting through every aspect of my life barring my unerring love for my wife and son.
The only aspect of my life that I am happy with today?
My wife and son.
Simple… because I put in the effort to show them that they are important to me, that I am involved in their lives and that they fuel my devotion, my adoration and my heart.
So I am not unhappy with the rest of my life, but I am also not happy. I have reached a point of impasse, a place where I am simply going through the motions. I have stopped being all that I can be and I need to be the husband to Emma and father to Griffin in all other aspects of my life. I need to take control of who I am, what I am doing and be responsible for the me that is me.
Tonight is the last time I go to bed as a smoker. The last time I go to bed being happy with mediocrity. The last time I go to bed wishing I was thinner and fitter and healthier without doing something about it.
In order to win the lottery you have to buy a ticket.
When I wake up tomorrow, I am buying tickets to the lottery of life, for my happiness and well being, for the future I hold so dear with my beautiful family, my blessed life and my amazing workplace.
Time for change, for action, for me to stand tall.
Time for me to “put in the effort” that has rewarded me so richly with an amazing relationship with my wife and son.
That being said, I reckon I need to start with the basics and get myself into shape.
So that is me.
I am not obese, but I am definitely not thin.
I am not unhealthy, but I am unfit.
Mostly I am just at the point of really letting myself go and that is just not ok.
I think (I need to verify the facts) that I weigh in at about 97 kilograms but in an ideal world I should weigh about 82 kilograms. That means I have to lose 15 kilograms.
So my challenge to myself is to lose 15 kilograms in 15 weeks.
At the same time I am quitting smoking, for good this time, no more fucking around.
I am going to dramatically cut back on my drinking, starting with a mandatory 1 month hiatus. C’mon, I don’t want to remove ALL vices from my life.
I am going to get myself fighting fit and find my centre in the process.
And to top that all off, I want to wean myself off of the meat products that I have always held so dear. That is a longer project and one I am not going to include as mandatory in the efforts I begin tomorrow but I am going to at minimum cut back dramatically on my meat intake.
Right, so let’s recap.
- 15 kilograms in 15 weeks
- Fit and healthy
- No drinking
- No smoking
- No meat
Think I can do it?
I know I CAN do it, it is more about whether or not I will see it through.
During the next 15 weeks I am going to chronicle my efforts in a daily posting. I will be brutally honest, mark my weight for the day and let you know how I am doing. I will do a count of cigarettes, drags, puffs and cravings and let you know how the various efforts I am undertaking are going.
Writing this all down I am thankful for the three pints of Guinness I drank earlier to carbo load for the day ahead tomorrow.
So that’s where I am – wish me strength, particularly to curb my comfort eating and my inability to walk past a chocolate without seriously damaging it 😉